i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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