I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
