Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
