I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
