Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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