My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
