wat bout pragnant strippers??
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
