return my video game
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
