great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
