a queef is a wish your heart makes.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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