Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Verdict: uncircumcised.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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