ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Randomize
