I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
