he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
