I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
