Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
