look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
