Got a toothbrush?
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Drunk is a universal language darling
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
