I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
