im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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