Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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