There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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