i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
