It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I FOUND THE LEGS
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
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