Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
