this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
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