I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
