I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
