the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize