I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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