your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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