Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
