When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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