I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I showed him my bush... on skype.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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