It's like God shit irony all over that family
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
