True but thats because hes a fetus.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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