Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
