Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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