naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
