making cat noises will not fix the situation.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Randomize
