I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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