finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
