Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
