i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
