Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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