I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
