Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
