When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I love having hate sex.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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