Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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