Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
