dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
