i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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