fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I think your dad took our porno
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Randomize
