he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Randomize
