Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Terrible idea I love it
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Randomize
