Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bondingš
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
And, by āmake you dinnerā I mean āhave lots of sex and multiple orgasms.ā So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. Iām a victim of my sexual success
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