my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
