can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
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