I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Randomize
