I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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