the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Randomize
