omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
He shit in the fireplace
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
