Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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