dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
only if we run a train.
done.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
You're a waste of cheezeits
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
