Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
