before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
