i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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