I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
